Ankit was sitting alone in a pensive mood. Possibly, he needed someone to pat his back or hold his hand. As Vipin went to share some moments with him, Ankit said “Bro, I feel totally lost. I just don’t know why I exist. Nine out of ten things I do are failures. There is a huge gap between my dreams and my current status. Often, I feel sickly, as if someone is hitting on my head.”
Bhupinder works in a government organization. He is a very normal person, cordial in his relationships, sometimes witty too. Nevertheless, one finds that there is hidden pain in his words and in his eyes. In a casual discussion with his friend Arya, he remarked once “You know Arya. In my entire family circle, nobody has survived more than 64. And I am now 57 just left with another seven years” When Arya tried to correct his thoughts, he said “hey, we must accept the reality. I have no fear. But something inside, as if I have not achieved anything in this life.”
Ravinder Gupta, had a long innings as a business man. He is 84 now. Though he is satisfied with his life, he laments every morning and evening to the people whom he meets “I am a burden to myself and others. It is time that I should pack up.” People find a lot of negativity by his side.
These are a few cases of people who carry their own emotional baggage on their shoulders. Though it is a known fact that emotions do hang around us for quite some time, assimilating and stacking too many of the past emotions often leads one to low self-esteem, low self-worth and to some extent self-pity.
Here are a few suggestions to combat with such feelings:
1. Take time to stand before the mirror and take a look
Do you feel your look dull and lousy? Well, cheer up and go to the beautician nearby. Have a nice facial and groom yourself. Do you think you aren’t dressed up well? Just go to the cupboard and take the best choice you have. Dress up and stand before the mirror See, how you look like now. Are you OK now? Do you think you need to shed some weight? Just go to a therapist and seek help both for your exercise and diet?
Hey! There is a solution to every problem, only if you want to find it out. You are what you want to be -physically, emotionally, professionally, socially or otherwise. You have to make your choice rather than sitting and lamenting. You should take the responsibility to clean up your emotions and give them a healthy and beautiful environment to negotiate with your life. Just can’t hold anyone responsible for such things Get up and take the first step. You and you alone can do it!
2. Step out of your Past: let it go
Achievements and failures are integral to any work and performance. Rewards and punishments are part of the same organizational structure. Holding on to your past, however good or painful, it has been, only indicates that you don’t exist in the present. Tagging yourself to your past or unwilling to move from its association is a punishment that we give to ourselves. Learn to let it go – nothing stays.
Pleasure and pain, both are addictive. They love to encourage the past to invite them repeatedly in the same format or in other. It may be difficult initially to untie the chains of the past, but it does help for you to become what you want to be in the future. Past often comes with a heavy emotional baggage. We need to know how and where to unload.
3. Worries really don’t help to solve your problems: Remove the tags
Anticipation, anxiety, expectations, pre-conceived decisions and the like often become the nucleus of the worries. It creates a longing for something which you are not sure of, whether desirable or not. Making unrealistic goals, having illogical comparisons, expecting too much in too short a time, wishing things to happen only the way one wants are some of the seeds for the future worries. It is good to avoid them or regulate them to lead a peaceful life. All these does not mean you shouldn’t be entrepreneurial; you shouldn’t accept challenges or you shouldn’t venture into turbulent waters. It only calls for a balanced approach to life – harmonising dreams with realities. A number of people carry the tag of a past failure, a broken relationship, a stormy professional set up, an incompatible boss and the like – they continue to suffer even after they are out of such situations for a long time.
4. Live in the present; unleash your potential
Learning to live in the present is indeed a joy. It disconnects us from the negativities of the past and ushers into our psyche a sense of hope, confidence and perseverance. It helps us to recall all the latent energy that either remained unutilised or has been hibernating waiting for a right opportunity to become relevant. Just unleash your potential! Believe that you have all the mindset, energy and will to move ahead and make your way even in troubled water. “Present” is the only gift that we can have and is a ‘wholesome life gift.’
5. Review your relationships
We relate to different people at different geographies, for different reasons and with different purposes. Not all relationships are stable for long times. Some of them are contextual to meet some short-term goals. Relationship building is indeed a very interesting, but thought-provoking exercise. Sometimes acquaintances manifest into relationships. Many of us tend to continue and sustain relationships even though they are stressed. Strained relationships could be mended with foresight and effort on many occasions provided conversations are effective. With failed relationships people find it difficult to keep emotional stability. At professional levels, one needs to understand how to draw meaningful lines that would result in mutual respect, trust and confidence. Hence, it is important to review relationship profiles periodically and re-engineer them to keep them healthy, happy and mutually supportive. Holding pains and suffocating within usually results in mental, emotional conflicts and health issues.
6. Learn to Relax: Define your life and live it
Many people let life to take its own course without even trying to know where one is going. Absence of clarity of goals, objectives or purposes leads to confusion, conflict and blind spots. They stand at such blind spots with a huge emotional baggage trying to find out ‘what next?’. A few other engage either in a running race or relay race without assessing their capability, resources or competitive environment. In such a race, they feel lost sometime and ask themselves “now what?’. It is important to define your life objectives and live with them. It is important to understand the pace that fits one’s psyche, biology and ecology. Travelling at high speed to unknown destinations will add to one’s baggage certainly. “Speed thrills, but kills” even in the highways of life.
7. Restore and conserve your energy
It is said that all humans are store houses of energy. They get a continuous supply of the energy required for all their functions from their own bio-systems. In a positive environment, the energy flow is good, smooth and helpful. In a negative environment, there is loss of energy, suppression of energy and also wastage for misdirected purposes. In any normal individual, with a little motivation, dopamine levels could shoot up and one may leap from low energy levels to higher energy levels with ease and comfort. Conserving energy in our systems helps in handling our emotional baggage with confidence, positivity and comfort. Regular physical exercises, meditation and yoga might help to unload our baggage periodically and help in conserving the energy.
8. Have a continuous dialogue with the winning spirit
“Drugs are always not necessary, but the belief in recovery is” says Norman cousins. To move away from low’s, to negotiate with growth one needs to have belief in possibilities. That might help to boost the journey towards success. “winning spirit” is more important than ‘win’ itself. It would be a rewarding exercise to have a continuous dialogue with the winning spirit that is latent in everyone. The moment one awakens this spirit and has a dialogue with it, the proximity to success or our entry into the sphere of success is enabled. The gateways to success open ushering into us a lot of confidence that we are near the destination. Life is not about winning everywhere, every time and in everything. It is just our ability to even handshake with success in a crowd of successful people.
Let us try to unload at least a part of the baggage we carry unnecessarily ~